if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
