Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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