I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
