So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
