I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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