I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
