someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
