i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
