That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
