Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
