Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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