On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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