Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
