All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
