what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
