my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
