lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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