i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
