I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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