thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
