i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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