Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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