youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
