elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
