dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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