Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
