ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to make out with him forever
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
