We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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