her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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