In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
