We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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