just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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