the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize