I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
