she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
