using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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