I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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