My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
