you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
wow bdsm is so cute
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
