you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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