ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
