Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
