I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize