kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a beard to bite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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