If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
