Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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