What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
