I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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