Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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