my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
