i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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