you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
