We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
