I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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