sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
