I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
