i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
