he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
