ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
