i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
