i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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