My room smells like vodka and shame
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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