we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
