it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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