Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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