i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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