Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
