my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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