If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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