No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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