Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
