I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
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Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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