Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
