so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
