Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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